Dear January 2016

Dear January,

You and I aren’t exactly the best of friends, you bring me frustration as I try to get used to writing 2016 instead of 2015, you bring a series of unpredictable events that obviously take me by surprise.

But this year you made me see some light by bringing me hope and happiness. You reminded me that I may just be able to close a long distance relationship with Joanna, which may just be a very comforting idea. We reunited again on the first day of the new year and though our little date was so short (because some people have to work for a living aka me), I felt so much hope.

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I cannot lie about how hard it has been, not seeing each other for seven months, one month is as hard as it can get, experiencing seven times the pain is so traumatic. But that’s what makes this friendship so worth fighting for. Because at the end of the day you learn to cherish every moment spent together more because you wait for it. Maybe it is very true that absence makes the heart grow fonder…

Regardless, you make me thankful to have such great friends and you make me just want to continue to strengthen bonds between the people I love and cherish with all my heart.

You let me have a brighter future or at least let me see and feel like I have one that feels so promising, and that’s pure exciting. You’re letting me do what I love and I have never felt my own happiness this raw.

There’s this song called “She Used To Be Mine” by Sara Bareilles that I was so addicted to throughout January. In light of the new year that you, January always welcome, here’s a song I wrote about this girl who was once so insecure and unsure of love, this is a song she writes to her lover, about the girl she used to be. 

I Know Her Too

There was a girl

you knew in 08,

you chased her through the streets of Oxford,

down the avenues.

She was elusive,

but one of a kind,

she didn’t love you as much as you wanted,

not that you ever did mind.

She was clever,

but she was never wise with her choices,

you were her rational half,

yet she thinks she gave you love that felt like a bluff.

You spent your school years convincing her you belong,

but she was craving solace far too long

and you had no choice but to let her go.

Do you remember that girl?

Yes, I know her too

You loved her with all your heart and every piece of you.

I know her too,

cause she’s been trying to love you the way you do,

but she doesn’t know how to love herself,

maybe you could teach her a thing or two?

But thank you,

say hi to her too,

if she remembers me like you do,

‘cause I know her too,

much more than you do…

There was a girl

you loved for years.

She was someone you held so dear,

the kind of person you’d run a million miles for,

but the kind of person you’d question your allegiance to.

People thought your love was an adventure,

but she thought your love was a privilege she earned in her past.

She thought you’d never move on from your first,

but you always thought she was your last,

and the one that meant the most.

Do you remember that girl?

Yes, I know her too,

you loved her with all your heart and every piece of you.

I know her too,

cause she’s been trying to see you from a mile away,

but she doesn’t know how to break the ice between you two,

maybe you could walk over and say a thing or two?

But thank you,

say hi to her too,

if she remembers me like you do,

‘cause I know her too,

much more than you do…

I know you remember her too,

cause you knew she was the one seven years too soon.

And it scared her away

cause she couldn’t give you what you craved,

but she came running back to you,

Sunday afternoon,

saying she’d marry you…

You didn’t expect her cause you were trying to forget her

but the moment you saw her,

you just knew,

she was the someone you used to think you knew,

the same someone you fell in love with,

the same someone you swear to always be with.

I know her too,

cause one upon a time,

I lived within her mindset too.

Do you remember that girl?

Yes, I know her too,

You love her with all your heart and every piece of you.

I know her too,

cause she wants me to tell you she loves you just as much as you love her,

but don’t you neglect her,

maybe go kiss her a little more,

make it two,

But thank you,

for making her feel loved and every positive emotion imaginable,

causing her to love what she once thought was purely incapable.

I know her too,

all too well for my own good.

I know her too,

too much for my own good.

I know her too,

so take care of her,

will you?

Love always,

The person she has become.

Was January a goodbye to your old self like in the song?

With Love.

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